Since going public with “my story” and sharing such an intimate part of both my sexual and spiritual journey with the world, I have had the good fortune of attracting […]
Since going public with “my story” and sharing such an intimate part of both my sexual and spiritual journey with the world, I have had the good fortune of attracting a lot of like-minded people into my life. Many of these people are in the midst of creating their own inspirational projects, in an effort to wipe out the taboo around talking about sex when it’s anything but “perfect.” One such person that I’ve had the pleasure to speak with is Bibi LeBlanc. Originally from Germany but now a long-time resident of Florida, Bibi is the creator and editor of Trip to Bliss, an upcoming book about “the big O.” What makes this book different is that it’s not a “how-to” book on achieving female orgasm, but rather a compilation of personal stories, by women and for women, about how they learned to orgasm. I’ll let Bibi tell you more…
Interview with Trip to Bliss Editor, Bibi LeBlanc: On “learning” how to orgasm
Rebecca: Can you share what inspired the idea for the book, Trip to Bliss, and what this project is about?
Bibi: One of the main drives in my life is that I want to inspire and empower people. The idea for this particular book project came about when I was talking with some friends and catching up on each other’s lives. One guy shared a story, don’t ask me how it came up, about his ex-girlfriend learning how to have multiple orgasms from a late-night TV show. Something snapped in my brain and some puzzle pieces that had already been floating around fell into place: the idea for Trip To Bliss, a collection of stories from women who have learned to have orgasms, was born.
I’m sure you’ve heard about statistics that say that 70-85% of women can’t climax during intercourse/sex from just penetration alone. Many women don’t ever have an orgasm, even by themselves, and think they are alone with this issue or feel something is wrong with them. In reality, this is an issue that affects a majority of women, but they are too embarrassed to talk about it–even with their closest friends.
I now know it is something that can be learned. There are many women who at first could not climax but have, at some point on their life path, discovered how to do it by themselves and/or with a partner. My vision is to start a conversation. I want to inspire and empower women and to let them know they are NOT alone–and that having an orgasm can be learned.
Rebecca: What was most instrumental in your personal journey that led you to believe this book was your calling?
Bibi: I think the most instrumental aspect was that I’ve always asked a lot of questions about why things are the way they are. Another aspect is that it’s an issue I have struggled with. I had no idea other women had this “problem,” too. When I found it to be an issue for many, many women I began wondering “why isn’t anyone talking about this?” I mean, we talk about guys, about sex and size and everything else but never about whether or not we have orgasms when we have sex, or even by ourselves. Having orgasms every time we have sex is a given for men. It’s NOT for many women. Certainly in the media it is not portrayed as a challenge for women at all; women climax in every bedroom scene we see in movies which, apparently, does not portrait reality at all.
So when I realized this is a real issue and nobody, openly, wants to talk about it, I felt drawn to dig deeper.
I’ve learned to follow my “gut” and to trust it more and more. I just knew I had to do this.
Me: What helps give you the courage to speak out about this often taboo topic? What do you have to say to women who are thinking about participating in the project, but are afraid to go public with their story?
Bibi: At first it wasn’t easy to talk to people about it. I knew I had to, though, if I wanted to find women who have stories to tell. When I finally had the guts to start telling people what I am working on, I was very surprised by the positive responses I received. They ranged from “great idea (just don’t ask me to share)” to “cool, let me tell you how I do it,” to demonstrations like a guy pushing his girlfriend onto the hotel bed and showing me (with clothes on!) what “works” for his girlfriend.
Everyone seems to LOVE the idea! I have gotten only encouragement and enthusiasm from the people I have shared my vision with. It really seems to hit a nerve. This has made it more and more easy for me to talk about the idea behind Trip To Bliss.
As far as sharing your story and “going public with it,” I will only use first names (which can be changed or read “anonymous” if the writer desires), ages and nationality. So at the end of a story it would only read: Lisa, 42, USA.
I also want to bring men into this conversation, as well. If this is an issue that affects women, it obviously affects the men in their relationships. I am sure there is many a man out there who is wondering if he is doing something wrong, or why he can’t make “IT” happen for his woman. So I know there are men out there who know what helped, or what worked. I think it is important to capture the male perspective of this particular issue as well as the female. So, if you’re a man reading this, please share your insights with us or if you haven’t experienced this in your life, share it with your friends who might be interested in sharing their story.
Me: What do you believe are the first steps in creating a more sex-positive culture, on both a personal and global scale?
Bibi: I believe that the way to a “better anything” is communication. The moment we talk about something we bring it to light, and the moment we bring it to light it loses some of its scariness.
On a personal level this would mean talking about sexual issues with a partner or a close friend or in a women’s group, like you describe in your book. It can be scary and embarrassing–I know it was for me! But I found once I did, I wasn’t alone with it anymore. We could talk about it, research it, play with it, try different things. If you’re with the right person it can make everything lighter, more interesting, more playful and fun at times, and also frustrating at other times. But having it not be the “elephant in the room” helped me, and my partner, deal with it. If we are in a good relationship this should be possible. In expressing any challenges or issues, we are now including the other person, or the culture at large, in finding solutions. When we open the dialogue we open the doors to compassion and understanding.
This is true on a global scale as well. Communication is the key! Sex-culture, positive as well as negative, is communicated on many different levels. We grow up with beliefs we just “inherit” from our parents, our teachers, or are indoctrinated with by churches and the media, etc. I know from reading your book Finding Ecstasy, that you know all too well about this and that it takes serious soul searching and personal work to even realize that we have these beliefs (and, of course, not only about sex) because we have assimilated them so early in our lives, at a time when we could not question these “truths” we were being given.
For things to change, we have to become aware of them and realize that they shape us and our outlook on life so very much! And then we have to ask ourselves the critical questions: do we want to keep those beliefs? Do they serve us in living the life we truly want to live? Or do they hinder us and do we want to discard them and replace them with better ones?
So in my opinion changing our sex-culture, whether it be on the personal or the global scale, has to start on a personal level. The work has to be done here first, and only from here can our sex culture change. Once we do that work we can now “be the change we want to see in the world.” We affect our partners, our children, our friends, and anyone we come in touch with through our changed thinking, our words, our actions, our work.
In fact, part of the proceeds of the book will go to organizations who are working to end female circumcision (FGM Female Genital Mutilation), sex-trafficking and child pornography. At that point the project will have come full-circle for me.
Me: What transformation do you see for yourself as a result of this project?
Bibi: Trip to Bliss is a huge learning experience all the way around. Already I have learned so many new things about the topic itself as well as about writing and publishing, social media, managing my time, realizing that I enjoy writing. I am making new friends and having amazing conversations. I am learning a lot for and about myself in the process.
Speaking about Trip To Bliss on an individual level is always interesting. I also want to do public speaking about this topic to help raise awareness and start the conversation, even though the idea of public speaking scares me tremendously! But I know I want to do it anyway. It’s scary at times, and I really have to push past my own limiting beliefs but I’ve always had an inner desire and drive to grow on a personal level so I am really enjoying, for the most part, stepping up to these new challenges.
And if it wasn’t for Trip To Bliss I wouldn’t have met you, Rebecca, and found your book, Finding Ecstasy, for which I am truly grateful! The story of your journey to transformation is very inspiring. Thank you very much for inviting me to share a little bit of my own journey here.
Me: Thank you, Bibi, for the important work that you’re doing in the world. I share your passion and vision for a future where women and men feel safe talking about sexuality the world over. Best of luck with your project!
Do you have a story that can inspire others? Click here to find out how to submit your story for this exciting project.